Fifty Shades of Grey: Practicing Love

In the bookish community, E. L James’ Fifty Shades of Grey had women rushing to their local bookstores to buy and devour the three books in this series.  In the Christian community, this erotic series also struck a nerve, only this time women ran to the pulpit and warned fellow Christians that by reading these books you were essentially committing adultery against your husbands.  Now, I would almost never read romance novels, let alone those classified as erotica.  But as a Christian living in a secular world, I yearn to practice acceptance and unconditional love, to show the love of Jesus to the world.  Unfortunately, outright condemnation of books does not accomplish this goal.   And so I, along with my husband (he’s pretty amazing!), set out to discern the real meaning of Fifty Shades of Grey.

We were surprised.  Pleasantly surprised.

While the vivid intimate scenes were, um . . . .interesting and not for innocent virgin eyes, the book encompasses so much more than sex.  And so, to dwell on the sexual content of the book would be doing EL James a disservice.   In my perspective, the BDSM aspect of the novel adds a layer of complexity to an already intriguing story that ultimately captured me. 

Fifty Shades of Grey tells a love story.  And both participants are believable, unsuspecting and innocent in their own way.  On the one side we have the incredibly gorgeous and wealthy Christian Grey.  On the outside he appears to be an arrogant and entitled man.  Yet, on the inside, he is broken.  This brokenness fosters his apparent need for domineering relationships.  But this brokenness also draws in the young and innocent Ana.  Ana’s innocence is tangible.  Having never been involved in a serious relationship, she has a lot to learn from Christian.  But, like most women, she is indecisive.   Throughout the novel, she is confronted by her two inner voices: her subconscious counterpoised against her inner goddess.   Her subconscious will not allow herself to believe that plain, yet intelligent Ana, could be in love with the fifty shades of messed up Grey.  But her inner goddess rejoices in the way he makes her feel.  This push and pull is familiar and relatable.

This first novel of the trilogy centers on the need for “more”.  Both characters long for something: Christian for his contract relationship and Ana for a man to love her and treat her with respect.  Isn't life always about wanting more?

I’m a sucker for a good love story.  E. L. James tells a moving, albeit unrealistic, story of two people who cannot seem to imagine life without each other.  I might not recommend Fifty Shades of Grey to all my friends, but we, in the Christian community, should not condemn a novel merely because it involves sexual material.  Instead, let us practice love, not the romantic love we’re reading about, but the love God shares for all of humanity, broken and all. 

SeptembEYRE Check In: Jane Eyre Complete!

When I finish that last page of a book, I am generally left with mixed feelings.  My obsessive-compulsiveness-must-finish-things-I-start sings a happy song, but the more rational side breaths a heavy sigh because those characters cease to be a part of my life, excepting my memory, of course.  But, oh, I do love the ending of Jane Eyre! 

In the last section, Jane runs away from true love, namely Mr. Rochester and a life where she is valued for herself, which left me feeling disappointed and wondering what Jane actually thought she was going to accomplish by abandoning Thornfield.  In this final reading, Jane redeems herself.  She is confronted with forced “love” and an indecent marriage proposal by the cold, manipulative St. John.  St. John disgusts me even though there seems to be some similarities in the personalities of Jane and St. John, including their phenomenal stubbornness and reliance on utmost morality.  For his marriage proposal, St. John demands: “A missionary’s wife you MUST – you shall be.  You shall be mine. I claim you”.  Really, St. John? You think demanding a girl to marry is the best approach?  I read this part like St. John was correcting himself by changing the “must” to “shall”, to appear less harsh.  It didn’t work for me, and thank goodness, Jane did not fall for it either.  There were periods where Jane’s rationality could almost see herself following St. John to India, but she also knew that it would be the death of her soul and so she declined . . . multiple times. 

What I love best about Jane comes out in this section: her compassion and sensibility. While she hardly flinches at the announcement of her large inheritance, she is overcome with excitement when she learns that the very friends that took her in are her close relatives.  I am so happy for Jane!  Jane longs for a family to love and cherish her.  Finally, she can feel like she belongs somewhere.  It doesn’t take long for her to think of Mr. Rochester again.  So to complete her happy life, Jane searches for Mr. Rochester and finds him crippled and alone.  Without a second thought, she marries the man and ties herself to a life of service.  This is true love.  And true to Jane’s character where she needs to be useful and valued.

Although I do love how the story ends, I find the last small section with the letter from St. John an odd way to end the novel. I spent a good portion of the novel believing Bronte had a negative attitude toward organized religion and Christianity.  Brocklehurst and St. John, both apparently godly man, are represented in an unfavourable light and, in fact, do not exemplify the life of Jesus.  So why, then, would Bronte end with these words of St. John: “Amen; even so come, Lord Jesus”, a sentiment believed by most Christians?  For me, I found this somewhat perplexing. Any thoughts?

To end, the quote I found most meaningful in this section describes true love and marriage.  For all of us in long-term relationships, take this to heart:

“ I hold myself supremely blest – blest beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life . . . consequently, we are ever together.  To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company.  We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking.  All my confidence is bestowed on him all his confidence is devoted to me.”

This first read-along of mine has been a great experience. I liked getting to know the fellow SeptembEYRE-ites and hope to see more of you ladies in the future!  For now, read on!

SeptembEYRE Check In: XXI-XXIX

Finally, the section I’ve been looking forward to, when all is revealed!  The mystery surrounding Thornfield Hall and all the sinister events turns out to be Mr. Rochester’s crazy wife!  Crazy pants! But first, let’s back track . . .

Yay!  Jane and Mr. Rochester are engaged!  As I suspected, evil Ms. Ingram declines any romantic gesture by Mr. Rochester because of “a rumor”, which I can only guess comes from the “gypsy”.  The month-long engagement does nothing to satisfy the romantically inclined.  While Mr. Rochester attempts to transform Jane into a lady that she isn’t, Jane turns cold and practically reclusive.  I understand that she has a lot to process and she is the sort to over-analyze each situation, but you two are supposed to be IN LOVE!!  I guess this is Bronte’s way of suggesting to the reader that perhaps this marriage might not occur.  Sadness!

I actually have a tendency to feel more sympathy for Mr. Rochester than Jane in this section.  We learn a lot of the history behind this gentleman including how his family scammed him into marrying into an insane family . . .for money (which might suggest the role of marriage back in those days).  And this crazy wife is the same woman that is currently locked in his attic and wreaking havoc when she can.  Okay, okay, perhaps locking another human in a closet isn’t exactly appropriate, but you have to feel for the man.  What’s he supposed to do?  With no other choice, he attempts to find an equal, someone to share his life with.  And, after traveling the world, he comes home and finds plain, yet incredibly stimulating, Jane.  I’ll admit, Mr. Rochester generally confuses me. He has such an abrasive exterior (I guess both physically and emotionally) but then he pulls out these amazingly romantic lines and I can’t help but love him.  At the proposal, Mr. Rochester says “My bride is here . . . because my equal is here, and my likeness.”  Sooo sweet.   I empathize with Mr. Rochester and his desire for a happy life with a happy wife.  I really just want him to be happy and I don’t see any way out of his situation but to find someone who will understand his predicament and love him back.

And then there’s Jane.  The life of Jane Eyre is by no means easy and she is a strong and admiral woman for enduring the hardships she does with such stamina and self-awareness.  However, I believe some of these same qualities also constitute her downfall.  Her stubbornness and fundamentalist religious beliefs drive her from Thornfield Hall in the middle of the night to a non-existence, begging for her subsistence from complete strangers.  Moreover, the quick departure by Jane is mostly driven by selfish desires.  If she stays, she feels like her feelings will persuade her to stay.  The marriage of Mr. Rochester to his first wife, in my mind, does not signify marriage.  Jane, although believing that she is following the religious and social rules of the day by not staying with Mr. Rochester, forgets the other truly Christian attribute of love and forgiveness.  What would Helen Burns say or do? No one in the village through which Jane passes, except St. John, feels compassion and takes in desolate Jane.  Hopefully, this act of goodwill by St. John will show Jane that she too can love and forgive Mr. Rochester.

I feel like we’re not done with the relationship between Mr. Rochester and Jane.  But maybe that’s my “watch-too-many-romantic-comedies” personality hoping, wishing, dreaming that they’ll find each other and accept each other with all their faults. We’ll see! Only one week left!